hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
