Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
