I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
