So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
