Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
