dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Everything about him screamed your future.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
