i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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