Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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