onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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