they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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