i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
