Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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