Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I have tasted many bathrooms
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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