You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
