I'd wear matching sweaters with you
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
