please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
