Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
