she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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