Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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