I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
no. you can't hotbox the world.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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