My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Farmville is her only friend.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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