How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
