Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
