I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just had sex on a roof
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
