Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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