How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
