I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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