Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
third nipple confirmed
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
