Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
