"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
