I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
