I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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