i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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