Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
