as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
