so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
im six kinds of drunk right now
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
