He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
