At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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