this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
