More tranny stories later!
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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