finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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