i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
