community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
