Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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