He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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