she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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