For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
