please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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