I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
