the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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