i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
