i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
