no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
