so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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