I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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