If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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